The Penthouse Suite

We know you value your privacy, as well as your comfort and safety, so while you relax in our luxurious Penthouse Suite with its queen-sized bed, please note the gentle breeze wafting downward from your personal ceiling fan. The Suite is sound-proofed so you hardly ever hear the F-15Y Yak Eagle fighter jets from the Yak Air National Guard (YANG) when they scramble to protect you and your privacy from paparazzi, tourists and autograph collectors. For your safety, the walls are armored with Kevlar plates and the entry door has bulletproof glass and depleted uranium armor slats.

Hot and cold beverages, as well as a wide variety of cuisines are available onsite. If you're in the mood for something not already on the menu, you are welcome to help our in-house Titanium Chefs in their fully equipped chef's kitchen or fire up the outdoor grill to create your own culinary masterpiece!

Of course we have high-speed Wi-Fi internet and satellite TV available for your communication and entertainment needs. Upon your arrival, we set up your own private network, behind a firewall, protected by the latest and greatest security and anti-virus software.

Although we have but one Suite for our guests, we have made arrangements with other facilities in the area to provide accommodations for any of your personal staff or entourage. If your bodyguards have a special forces background we can provide suitable "kit" for their use in "roughing it" nearby.
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No paparazzi!

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High-speed internet!

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Flavorful caffeine!

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Tasty snacks!

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